Today has been stressful. I went to the doctors about the beta blockers they gave me for my anxiety, they didn’t work and made everything worse as they stopped me from sleeping and gave me hallucinations. Though the doctor I had today had just started and when I told her she just sat silent for ages looking like she had no idea what to do, in the end she said that I should stop taking them, breath into a paper bag and go online for help… So overall it was a totally pointless trip, I think I will have to go to another doctor as I really can’t live like this anymore. My anxiety won’t let me do anything.
Also my therapy starts tomorrow which I’m super nervous about as I’ve never had therapy before and it’s going to be done over the phone until they can get me face to face appointments. I know that’s good as it starts things off quicker but I have no idea what’s going to happen and I hate talking on the phone. I just really hope it helps.
Every time I drink my front tooth feels like it is clicking, but I don’t think it’s loose. I’m so paranoid that it’s going to fall out and it’s making me stressed.
I couldn’t really make it on holiday in the end.
I managed to go up for a night, but felt so ill and nervous I couldn’t do anything and had to come straight home.
I feel so shit and guilty about ruining everything for my boyfriend.
I was meant to be going on holiday tomorrow with my boyfriend for the first time, but I feel so sick right now. But I don’t want to ruin this for him as he booked time off work. I really ficking hate anxiety it destroys everything.
I can’t seem to sleep any more, and it’s making me feel like shit. I really fucking hate anxiety.